Every once in a while, you’ll hear about a Man being prosecuted for raping His wife. As if that weren’t enough to get your head spinning, some of these Men are charged with the “statutory” rape of their wives. (Don’t believe me? Here’s an example: Rape Charge Follows Marriage to a 14-Year-Old).This one’s personal for me, because i could have been the main evidence in such a case if some self-righteous prosecutor had gone after my parents. You see, mom was 15 and pregnant when she married Dad; He was 20. The marriage didn’t last long. mom met my step-Father years later when she was 25 and He was 41; they married a year and a half after that. This one lasted, and while the age difference was much greater this time around, there was no danger of prosecution.
Before anyone gets their knickers all twisted, let me be clear: this post is not about pedophilia. it’s not about sexually abusing children. it’s about girls past puberty finding love with older Men, and the Men going to jail for it. How fucked up is that?
i'm focusing on the case of married couples for two reasons. Firstly, all of these couples were legally married. That’s like saying you can buy a beer, but you’d better not drink it. Secondly, i do think there are times when a Man should be charged with rape for having sex with a girl who isn’t His wife. Not because the girl is too young to legally give her consent, but because a girl can’t consent or not consent.
girls are property. And whether we’re 12 or 40, we don’t have the right to either invite a sex-partner or to reject one. Our Owners tell us who to have sex with and we obey. Married girls are clearly owned by their Husbands. Most of the rest of us are owned by our Fathers. if my Owner (my step-Father) gives a Man permission to fuck me, then it’s consensual, even if i don’t know that He has permission, even if it’s violent. But if permission was not granted, then it’s rape. No matter how much we both may have wanted it, it’s rape.
Rape is a crime against property, much like theft or arson. And since you can’t steal from yourself, it follows that you can’t possibly rape your wife. (There is the issue of so-called marriage rape or spousal rape, but i’ll save that one for another day.) So what does it mean when a Man is charged with the statutory rape of his wife? Perhaps the marriage itself is not lawful?
The law is contradictory in many areas, especially those involving sexual relations. In my own state of New Jersey, the age of consent is generally said to be 16. However, a Man can be charged with sexual assault for penetrating a girl who is at 16 or younger if He is 4 years or more older than she. So a 19 year old Man can have sex with a 16 year old girl, but a 20 year old Man cannot. Couples 16 years of age or younger can marry with the consent of both parents or a judge, and younger couples can petition the court if there is a pregnancy involved. So let me get this straight. If i’m 13 and pregnant, the Court may grant me permission to marry, even if my parents don’t want me to, but that same Court can turn around and charge my new Husband with sexual assault or even rape.
Marriage is generally viewed as a contract that transfers certain rights. In most religions, marriage is also recognized as a sanctioned institution for procreation and sexual intimacy. That’s pretty obvious. When a couple gets married, everyone expects that they’re now living together, sharing finances, and that on the night of the wedding, the Groom fucked His bride. Everyone expects this, because that’s what we know marriage to be. When we hear of a deviation from this formula, such as a couple living apart in two separate houses or a Husband and wife who have never engaged in sex, we might well say that’s not a “real” marriage.
Marriage is one of those things that are so simple and straight-forward, until Congress and the Courts get involved. Marriage should be a private affair. If my Father, my Owner, chooses to sell me to another Man (which is what a marriage contract is really all about), then it’s a matter between those two Men and no one else. We don’t need the Courts to tell us if the bride is old enough or if the Groom is too old.
And when the deal is done, everyone knows what it means: the Groom has taken possession of His bride, and He now enjoys all of the rights of ownership. He is expected to fully exercise and enjoy these rights. You wouldn’t buy a new car and never drive it, and you wouldn’t acquire a wife and never drive her either. You might “break-in” your new Porsche on the interstate. You’ll most likely break-in your new bride with a sound belt-whipping over your wedding bed followed by a hard fucking. ‘Cause that’s what marriage is all about.
From the article it is clear that Nebraska is attempting to use this case to force Kansas to change its marriage laws. It sucks that a seemingly innocent couple has to be sacrificed in the process. To allow marriage as young as 12 years old in some cases does seem a bit extreme though.
ReplyDeleteThis is obviously a sensitive issue. We as a society are very quick to damn those we suspect of pedophilia. There are many who would call for the death penalty as punishment for someone who has had sex with a 14 year old.
There are a lot of ways this sort of animosity can be misplaced. The article outlines one such example, but there are others that apply as well.
An unusually petite girl of 22 who is short for her age may have difficulty overcoming this stigma. The assumption is that a man close to her age who dates her would have to be a sick person for wanting to have relations with someone who looks like a child. Any sort of public displays of affection are out of the question for this couple. People are far too quick to judge.
We've all seen situations in movies, TV, and even real life where a teenage girl will appear to be much older than she actually is. She may be taller than other girls her age or have more developed breasts. A man will have no way to determine her true age. Even if he does the rude thing and asks her for id, there will always be the chance she has obtained a fake in order to purchase cigarettes or alcohol. The idea that a man in this situation would be guilty of a sex crime is outrageous, yet it is reality.
The bottom line is that statutory rape laws too often persecute the innocent. Allowing marriage at a young age is meant to provide people who really want to be together a way to circumvent them. They are not meant to apply in these cases. Can a 14 year old girl consent to sex? We can argue about it all day, but we all know there will be situations where she can.
Some national minimum age to marry would be prudent of course, probably 14. But once that requirement is met in a certain state the others should respect the marriage. Same respect should be applied to gay marriage by the way. At the very least if her marriage is one that her parents agree with, she agrees with, and of course her husband agrees with, then that alone should merit exemption from prosecution. Once a husband and wife are married they should have full rights to do what they are meant to on their honeymoon and beyond. That will of course include sex, and if it's an ideal marriage it will also involve wife spanking. The honeymoon does seem like a good time to introduce her to the rules and the consequences of breaking them. A new wife's behind will probably need a lot of attention; might as well start early and enjoy it.
Personally, i’d rather that the government stays out of the family home, but i don’t suppose that’s very likely. i know that there’s this whole big thing about protecting the children, but we should keep in mind that Many of our attitudes are based on our own cultural and personal beliefs, and aren’t necessarily “Right” for everyone. When we talk about protecting the children, i ask “protect them from what?”
ReplyDeleteit’s pretty well known by now that both Boys and girls are starting puberty and entering into sexual maturity at an earlier age. girls begin puberty around age nine, and experience first menstruation around age 12. So by age 12 or 13, most girls’ bodies are ready for sexual intercourse. If we expand the definition of sex to include other types of sexual contact, physically, most Boys and girls are ready long before then. (i started feeling sexual arousal around age 9 or 10.)
Expand the definition yet again, and we are all born pleasure-seekers. What is the difference between sexual pleasure and physical pleasure? There are the elements of sexual arousal and climax, but sexual pleasure can really be viewed as a more mature form of physical pleasure. That’s how Freud saw it.
If a body is ready for sex, except for sadistic activities, the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and the risk of pregnancy, there’s really no physical harm from engaging in sex. These risks i mention are real, but they can all be controlled with reasonable precautions. So we’re not protecting the children’s bodies. What we are protecting is their mental and emotional well-being.
i spent some time at a mental hospital for a class project, and it seemed like the vast majority of girls (and Many of the Boys) in the children’s ward had experienced some sort of sexual abuse. Many of the adult patients had also experienced sexual molestation in their childhood, so it’s clear that adult-child sexual activity can leave deep, lasting scars. Many of these patients had suffered abuse in their early teens, so it’s not a question of being physically immature.
But Many of the scars result from the circumstances surrounding the activity, and not the activity itself. When i was 14, i had an affair with one of my teachers (no penetration, but definitely sexual). i have very found memories of both the Man and the time we spent together. But another girl doing the same things with the same Man might have been deeply harmed. What’s the difference? i would say it’s primarily the attitude. i wanted the affair. i enjoyed it. i accepted it as something good. If i had thought an affair with a teacher is an awful thing that only really bad girls engage in, i’d remember it very differently.
There have been cultures were teen Boys and girls explored their sexually openly. In ancient Greece, older Men taught Boys about sex. In other cultures, it was thought that the best person to teach a Boy about sex is His mother, and the best person to teach a girl is her Father. Other cultures didn’t promote incest but still believed that an adult should be the first sex partner for a maturing Boy or girl. This makes a lot of sense when you consider the risks i mentioned earlier (disease, pregnancy, etc.). Sex, especially with an inexperienced partner, needs to be responsible. Having an experienced, adult partner makes it far more likely that responsible measures will be taken. There is also the obvious advantage that the more experienced partner can server as a teacher.
i’d like to explore this idea further in a later post on intergenerational love. i think that nature intended girls to have older partners. After all, a girl is most fertile in her early years, but a Man is better able to provide when he is a bit older.
For now, let me just say i don’t think we should have to have a minimum age; it should be the Father’s decision. But failing that, yes, we need to be consistent, and the age should be reasonable. When puberty starts at 9, you can’t reasonably say no sex till age 18. Well, the Father can make that decision for His daughter, but it should be His decision.
I posted a comment to another blog and I'll repeat it here. My was was sixteen when she first had sex and it was with her father. He didn't force her but he talked her into it. She later told him she would have let him have it when she was 13 if he had let her know. He taught her very well how to satisfy a man and what kind of sex a man wants (ie usually hot and nasty hahaha). She always loved and respected him. Even now sometimes when we are fucking she will recount how he fucked her pussy or ass and how nasty he talked to her during their sex sessions. To say the least he taught her very well.
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